


My Favorite Part

by MonkeyZero



Category: Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle
Genre: Asexual Character, Internalized Acephobia, M/M, NSFW, ace fai, asexual fai d flourite, but not super explicit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-13
Updated: 2017-11-13
Packaged: 2019-02-01 16:39:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12708846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MonkeyZero/pseuds/MonkeyZero
Summary: Fai has had a lot of sex, and always managed to trick his partners into thinking he enjoyed it. He thought he could fool Kurogane, but Kurogane only defies his expectations.





	My Favorite Part

**Author's Note:**

> -I don't think I've seen a TRC fic with an ace character, so I decided to fix that  
> -Wrote this is one day, so sorry if it's really unpolished  
> -let me know if you want to see more content like this :)  
> -my tumblr is sansa-marriage-strikes.tumblr.com

Fai had had sex. Plenty of sex with plenty of partners in plenty of positions. In the court of Celes he was known for being quite good at it, and so there were always people who wanted bits of him, and Fai was always happy to give. He liked making people happy.

 

And the sex itself, it was… nice. At least it was nice sometimes. It could be. Other times it was boring, but Fai found things to think about, and occasionally it was unpleasant, but he had learned to avoid those kinds of people. So overall, it was  _ fine,  _ really. 

 

He wasn’t sure why things were taking so long with Kurogane. He had made himself as available as possible, gotten physical with Kurogane, teased him, gotten under his skin just to make him that magical mixture of angry and turned on that would get them right into bed. Kurogane watched him with careful eyes, and Fai hated that. He wanted Kurogane to like him, even if it was just lusting after him. He didn’t like those red eyes staring at him, as if he could see him naked. If it came down to it, Fai would rather be naked. I wasn't like sex was intimate or personal. That was just bodies. But the way Kurogane's eye's lingered on Fai's face, taking his smile to pieces with his eyes, that felt far too vulnerable.

 

He would have hopped into bed as soon as Hanshin if there had been privacy. Kurogane liked him, and Fai sized him up as a man who took what he liked, and yet nothing happened. There had been time in Koryo, and yet nothing. Fai thought perhaps Kurogane was too wrapped up distrusting him to take him to bed, but he didn’t see Kurogane sleep with anyone else, and figured he could only last so long. Soon, Kurogane would come to Fai, and Fai would show him just how good he could be. Then Kurogane would like him.

 

They went to Fog Country, Jade Country, even Outo country, and while Kurogane and Fai got closer than ever, they hardly touched. One night in Outo, Fai thought perhaps Kurogane needed a bit of a nudge. Under pretense of drunkenness, he pulled Kurogane into embraces, kissed his cheeks, even his nose and climbed onto his lap. Kurogane turned red, but all he did was throw Fai over his shoulder and deposit him in bed, alone. Fai did not like being alone. “You’re drunk mage,” Kurogane said as he left. “And if you’re not… if you’re not then just be honest for once.”

 

And then there was Shura.

 

Fai learned “yes” and “no” quickly enough. After fighting, he and Kurogane had little energy for anything more than quickly wash off and crawl into their blankets. Fai knew battle could get some men aroused, and he thought it might happen then, but he was so tired, he sometimes found himself wishing it wouldn’t. Perhaps Kurogane wasn’t one of those men, because he never touched Fai. At least, not how Fai was expecting. 

 

Fai didn’t notice it, not really. Fai talked, he talked a lot. And usually there were people around to talk back, but now, with all these warriors in their gruff, foreign tongue, Fai could only stand the silence for so long. He was used to bodies not responding to his babble, and that wasn’t something he wanted to think about, not really, but he would walk around, smiling and chattering to whoever he saw. Kurogane just rolled his eyes.

 

It wasn’t until Kurogane came into the tent one night, that Fai realized he’d been doing anything wrong. The way Kurogane’s eyes widened, the way he stared at him, it made Fai’s heart stop. It wasn’t until he felt the words die on his lips, that Fai realized he’s been talking to himself.

 

“Fai,” Kurogane said, some sort of strain in his voice. Fai blinked up at him, thinking of excuses, but aware he couldn’t explain them, even if there was one that could explain it all away. The bare fact of it was that he was crazy, and if Kurogane distrusted him before, he certainly would now. But it didn’t feel like hatred or distrust, the way Kurogane scooped him up and pulled him into Kurogane’s bedroll, all wrapped up in strong arms, and then sharp smell of Kurogane’s sweat, because it had been ages since they’d taken a proper bath, and Kurogane’s chest was broad and he was warm, so Fai just sighed and relaxed into him. 

 

It went on like that, night after night. Kurogane would pull him into his bedroll and hold him, tighter than Fai would have thought would be comfortable, but instead of feeling trapped he felt safe in a way he couldn’t describe. One of those nights, he looked at Kurogane, searching for some expression in the hard, black eyes. To his surprise, Kurogane gave him a smile--a full smile, not just his usual smirk--and brought his fingers up to brush at Fai’s lips. Fai knew what was being asked of him, so he nodded and said, “yes.”

 

Kurogane took his mouth, and it was lovely. Fai felt so small and safe, and ready to melt into him. The kissing went on for a long time, and Fai started to wonder when things would change. He was getting what he wanted, and Fai didn’t know how Kurogane knew exactly what touch he needed, but a deal’s a deal, so next Kurogane would take what he wanted. Fai wondered if Kurogane would be rough, what he would want to do with Fai, if he would hesitate and need encouragement or simply go for it. Fai laid there in Kurogane’s arms, trying to enjoy the melting warmth of the kiss, but also waiting for the moment Kurogane’s hands would stray. He might pull Fai’s trousers down, might roll him onto his stomach, might roll on top of him, might even just push Fai’s head downward. And Fai was ready for whatever because this was so nice, and he wanted Kurogane to feel nice too, but he was also tired, and he didn’t want to have to pretend to enjoy it. 

 

Kurogane was hard--Fai could feel his erection pressing into his thigh--but  _ next  _ never came. They kept kissing until Fai found himself growing sleepy, and he could tell that Kurogane, too, was dropping off. It must have been almost an hour, and then Kurogane dropped a kiss on his cheek and laid his head, took a few deep breaths, and fell asleep.

 

Fai didn’t know what to make of this. For the next months, Kurogane kissed him--oh he kissed him--and held him close at night, and sometimes held his hand even when Fai started babbling off, but he never did what all the others had done. He never pressed Fai into his back, peeled off his clothes, or pushed him onto his knees. Kurogane wanted him. Fai knew he wanted him. He woke up sometimes, when he slept with his back pressed against Kurogane’s chest, to feel Kurogane pressed against him, half hard, and yet Kurogane did nothing about it. When he woke up like that, he would inch away from Fai, rearranging himself until they weren’t touching anymore.

 

Fai didn’t have a chance to ask, not until Piffle. Their apartment had two bedrooms. Saura got one, while Syaoran had taken the couch and let Fai and Kurogane have the other one. Kurogane didn’t seem concerned about the kids knowing, didn’t clarify whether it was pragmatic, or for other purposes, he just followed Fai to the bedroom after they had worked on their machines deep into the night.

 

Kurogane stripped into his shorts and got into bed, while Fai stood there, fiddling with the tie of his robe. “Do you not find me attractive, Kuro-sama?” Fai asked after a pause.

 

“Course I do,” Kurogane said with a snort. “I thought I’d made that clear.”

 

“But you haven’t touched me, have you?” Fai said, wondering why his voice sounded so small. “Why is that? I was there, the whole time in Shura, but you never did more than kiss me.”

 

“We couldn’t talk,” Kurogane said after a pause.

 

“Kuro-pon,” Fai said with a laugh as he turned back to the bed. He stripped out of his robe, smiling when he saw Kurogane’s pupil’s dilate, and then crawled next to Kurogane under the blankets. “In my experience, sex doesn’t require that much talking. Unless you like that. I can be awfully dirty, if that’s what turns you on.”

 

“It’s not…” Kurogane sighed. “I couldn’t make sure things were alright with you. I wouldn’t want to get into anything like that when we couldn’t even communicate.”

 

“I knew ‘yes’ and ‘no’,” Fai said with a laugh, stretching out in the bed. “That’s a silly reason to keep you from doing something you wanted.”

 

“Well why didn’t you?” Kurogane demanded.

 

“Why didn’t I what, Kuro-tan?” Fai asked.

 

“Touch me,” Kurogane said. “I was right there, and if you had wanted, you could have reached out and touched me just as easily. So why didn’t you?”

 

“Well I’m not used to needing to do that kind of thing,” Fai said with a laugh.

 

Fai squirmed as Kurogane’s hand skimmed over his stomach. “So you like being pursued, do you?” Kurogane asked with a chuckle. “Of course you do.” Fai nodded, because that was easiest. He couldn’t quite explain that, yes, he liked it. He lied the attention. He liked feeling special. He lied knowing he could catch somebody’s eye and make them go crazy. So it wasn’t a lie. He did like being pursued. But not in the way Kurogane thought he did. It didn’t give him any hot sensation in his belly, it didn’t make his breath short and ragged, and it didn’t make him hard.

 

But Fai had learned to compensate. He shortened his breath on his own, and stroked himself to hardness, because Kurogane would like that. Kurogane would want to see him hard, would want to think he had done that. “Let me do that,” Kurogane growled, and pulled Fai closer to him. And then he started doing what he had held back from all those months in Shura. Fai felt one hand stroking him, more gently that he would have thought, while another roamed his chest, then pulled him in for a kiss. Fai did everything right. He arched at the right time, moaned, hissed, panted. He hooked his leg around Kurogane’s hip, he dug his nails into Kurogane’s shoulder. He thought he had been doing so well.

 

But it all stopped. Kurogane wasn’t on top of him anymore, wasn’t rubbing up against his thigh and nuzzling at his neck. Fai had done something wrong, had made it bad for Kurogane. “Why?” he managed to say when Kurogane gripped his chin and looked at him with something like concern.

 

“You aren’t enjoying this.” It wasn’t a question. The denial was on Fai’s lips, but that would be no good.

 

“No need to get self-conscious,” Fai said with a laugh. “You’re doing quite well-Kuro-rin.”

 

“I know enough to realize when my partner is into it and when he isn’t,” Kurogane said, his voice tinged in disgust. “I don’t know what kind of people you’ve been with, but this act isn’t going to work with me.”

 

“Kuro-tan,” Fai whined. “Please, just keep going. It was nice, I promise.”

 

“Why don’t you just tell me what you actually want?” Kurogane asked. “I don’t care if it’s weird. I just want the truth from you for once.”

 

Fai’s mouth went dry. “I don’t…” Fai stammered, “I wanted to make you feel good.”

 

“And I want to make you feel good,” Kurogane said evenly. “But that’s not going to happen unless you tell me how.” Fai bit his lip, but for once he couldn’t think of the proper lie. “For fuck’s sake,” Kurogane groaned. “I know you’d like me to just figure it out, but I’m not a mind reader, especially not when it comes to you. Just… you’ve had sex before. What did you like then? Just tell me and I’ll do it for you.”

 

“I didn’t,” Fai said, then, without even meaning to he said, “I didn’t like any of it.”

 

Kurogane’s eyes widened, then he repeated, “You don’t like sex?” Fai shook his head. Kurogane’s brows furrowed. “Why would you do something you didn’t like then?” he asked, as if it were really that simple.

 

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” Fai admitted. “I’m--I’m older than you now Kuro-tan, and I’ve had sex so, so many time, but no matter how many times, how many positions, who it’s with, I just don’t like it. It isn’t bad or anything, it just never feels good, not like it does for you and for normal people.”

 

“So…” Kurogane said slowly. “When I kiss you, you don’t like that?”

 

Fai shook his head. “No Kuro-chan, I love that. That’s the best feeling. And I did mean it, I did want to make you happy, I really did.”

 

“ _ Tch,”  _ Kurogane made some noise in his throat. “If it’s just about getting off--I can do that on my own. If you don’t like it too, I don’t want to do it.”

 

“But I--,” Fai said. “I like after.”

 

“After?” Kurogane asked.

 

“You know,” Fai said. “After sex. I like being held, and being told how well I did, and how pretty I am, and I like sleeping in somebody’s bed with them, and I like it when people kiss my hair and rub my back.”

 

Kurogane snorted. “Idiot mage,” he sighed, then reached out to pull Fai closer to himself. “You don’t need sex for that. All of this nonsense--you could have just told me  _ that  _ was what you wanted.”

 

“You don’t mind?” Fai asked as Kurogane kissed his hair and rubbed circles on his back.

 

Kurogane took a deep breath then said, “You’re absolutely  _ dead _ if you tell anybody I said this, especially Tomoyo or that damn witch, but this part--After--it’s my favorite part too.” Fai giggled and snuggled deeper into Kurogane’s chest. 

 

“Don’t worry Kuro-pon,” Fai said with a giggle. “I’ll take your secret to the grave.”


End file.
